although probably no one reads this anyway. but just a little update - i’ve been eating somewhat normally these days. which is really weird. although every single day i struggle with food and decisions, but i kind of just let myself eat what i want now. and i try to stop thinking about calories so much because that really screwed me over. i’ve also not had a binge in a long time. although that’s probably cuz i’ve been just letting myself eat snacks on a regular basis, so i don’t feel the urge to gorge it all down my throat in one go. i’ve been horribly addicted to chocolate biscuits lately (consuming AT LEAST 800kcals worth of them every day). just hope that i’ll get sick of them soon (probably impossible cuz they’re so fuckin good).
the reason i’ve been letting myself eat is cuz my weight has kind of plateaued. which is a good thing because i’m aiming at maintaining my weight for the rest of may and then start trying to lose weight again from june 1st. even after eating over 1500kcals per day, my weight stays at around 123lbs, which is just great. apparently the way to keep weight off permanently is to lose 10% of your body weight (although i’ve lost 25% already) and try maintaining it for a few months so it restarts your weight set point. i’m kind of happy that i’ve been letting myself eat what i want, and don’t suddenly gain a shit ton of weight the next day. this stability is good. i remember how i used to eat just a little more than usual and gain like 3lbs in a day. so i just need to make sure i don’t eat TOO much so i’ll maintain here and continue the rest of my weight loss journey (28lbs to go) starting in june.