May 2012
18 posts
2 tags
sorry i've been MIA.
although probably no one reads this anyway. but just a little update - i’ve been eating somewhat normally these days. which is really weird. although every single day i struggle with food and decisions, but i kind of just let myself eat what i want now. and i try to stop thinking about calories so much because that really screwed me over. i’ve also not had a binge in a long time....
feeling utterly crap.
it wasn’t a good day already, then my friend pissed me off further, and i was just depressed all night. and then i was watching youtube make up tutorials and saw this girl who is absolutely stunning. the most awesome body, pretty face, long hair etc. made me feel so super shit about myself. why can’t i be pretty like her? i know you should love yourself and try to be the best yourself...
2 tags
binged..half way.
i’ve been good the past few days, surviving on 1-2 meals per day and not getting any cravings or urges to binge. got down to a stable 120 today and then i fucked it up today. i keep fucking up when i’m really near to getting out of the 120s. it’s like a vicious cycle.
my day was fine at first, had turkey breast with brown rice for breakfast (around 400kcals), turkey breast and...
Discovered my reason for binging.
Haven’t binged this week (except last night I did eat a bit of my binge foods i.e. 8 crackers with hummus and nutella and a can of soup with bread) but I left the kitchen before it could turn into a full on binge :)
Then I discovered why I binged so much the past month - apparently I’ve been sick of the same foods I’ve been having. The past 4 months has always been chicken...
1 tag
success finally!
did NOT binge last night! omg i’m so proud of myself - it’s been one entire month since i had control. woke up at 123lbs. just need to keep being good, no eating after 7pm. also, i won’t beat myself up if i have around 1000kcals, but i won’t let myself go over that. i have a feeling i won’t binge today, so let’s hope i keep it up :)
intake today so far: -...
2 tags
maybe today will be the end of my month-long...
i’ve been calling my “binges” binges, but then i came to realize that i’ve been having less food on my binges, and i don’t stuff my face as quickly as i did at the beginning of my binge. then i realized: i’m not even BINGING in the literal sense anymore. i’m just letting myself eat and give in to cravings. i’m not even eating out of emotions anymore,...
beckyblondiexox asked: How are you loseing weight? i need to lose 25pounds....
Fuck I gave in. why am I so fucking weak? I was strong all day and then the strong urge to binge came. It normally comes at 10pm to 12am. There was pizza in the house, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it (I haven’t had pizza for nearly half a year). if it wasnt there I could have resisted. Still, I’m fucking weak. I lost to a goddamn pizza wtf. On the bright side the pizza is...
3 tags
self-diagnosis.
sometimes when i watch movies on EDs, they try to portray the background causes leading up to the problem. i’ve been thinking a lot lately, and i’ve realized that it’s no surprise that i’ve always had the tendency to have an eating disorder.
parents have always favoured my tall, thin and pretty sister since young. i never feel adequate when i’m beside her.
...
4 tags
fuck i feel like binging so so bad.
but i can’t. i musn’t. my tummy has this weird feeling - maybe it’s hunger. but normally i won’t feel hungry on day 1 of fasting. it just feels queasy, and i feel like eating. but i know i wont stop eating once i have the first bite. so, no. no food. none. don’t give in. i’ve given in for 2.5 weeks and look where that’s got me. fat fat fat. so much fat....
3 tags
fat.
realized that i gained so much fat around my belly when i looked into the mirror. that’s what binging for 2 weeks does to you. so fuckin depressed i fuckin hate myself and my body. going out to get laxatives right now cuz i need to know what my belly looks like when my stomach is empty.
day 1 of fasting - not eating until further notice.
iamnobodystrophy asked: What's your weight diary thing that you post pics of? Where can I get one?
4 tags
Anonymous asked: i took laxatives for medical reaosns from a doctor. and gained weight. they make you retain water like crazy. not worth it.
vikkipants asked: I'm still wishing you luck on your recovery. <3
1 tag
fuck it.
this “recovery” shit is making me binge like there’s no tomorrow. i used to think recovery was the cure to binging, but now trying to recover is making me binge even more. i don’t know what to do anymore. i can SEE that i’ve gained quite a lot of fat around my belly after 2 weeks straight of binging. i can’t fuckin stand it anymore. i don’t want to be fat...
